There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
