I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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