His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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