have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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