Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
