i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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