PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she told me i tasted like america
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
