garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
