Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
