We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
