Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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