Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
