I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So. Much. Porn.
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