you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
