Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
