I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
