I wannas sexs uuuuu
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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