I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Houston, we have a blender
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
