i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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