You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
