Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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