I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
vagina is talking i cant
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
