So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
