just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
