I am puke
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
