found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
