Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Text me some of your sweat
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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