i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
