i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
