Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
