3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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