I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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