I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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