don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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