we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
