my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize