Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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