Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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