I think im going to throw up on grandma
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
last night I used snow as a chaser
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
