my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
