I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize