There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
