Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
