i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
