never play flip cup with pint glasses
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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