She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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