oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
