Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
