What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
