Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
