alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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