I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
