JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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