I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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