i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
