i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
