Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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