after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
