dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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