just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize