Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize