I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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