All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
