i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
